Archive for March, 2012

Cobbie smolders:
Occupation = Actress
Career Hits = How I met your mother, some other stuff

Christina Hendricks:
Occupation = Actress
Career Hits = Mad Men, Firefly, some other stuff

January Jones:
Occupation = Actress
Career Hits = Mad Men, some cheesy Liam Neeson flick, some other stuff

So, what do they all have in common? And no, it’s not that they’re all actresses, it’s not that obvious.

The answer is quite simple really. Intriguing in a way.  First person to work it out gets my respect; Second person my disdain.


I really like it.

Properly funny and rather idiotic people on Television being stupid. What’s not to like?

Here is why:

Top 5 quotes from the Apprentice:

(5) “You’re not a bloody winner, you lost!”
(4) “You seem to have gone from anchor to wanker”
(3) “The French are cheese connoisseurs, and we’re going to sell them something from Makro?”
(2) “The spoken word is my tool”
(1) “Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon!!!!!!!” – What a line.

Top 3 terrible pitches in the Apprentice:

(3) Octiclean!

(2) Pants!

(1) A blank leaflet!

Best ever Stupid moments and funny tantrums:




Now, I don’t normally like to bow to popular culture, by my little blog is making an exception tonight. Watch the show, you’ll love it, just love it.

I have loved Elisabeth Shue ever since I saw her phenomenal (oscar winning… we’ll she should have won an oscar) performance in 1987’s “Adventures in Babysitting”.  If I remember rightly I was about 14 years old and was still living at home with my parents in the leafy suburban district of Shawlands in Glasgow.

I was sitting on my roof (it was kind of a funny house that had a wee ledge thing that meant the roof was accessible) watching the stars and generally just being an intense and cool teenager when, at around 2am, I decided I was a little tired and headed inside.  I lit up… my lava lamp, and then plopped into bed.

As I lay there… admiring my lava lamp, I had the urge to switch on the television. What was on you ask? Why it was:

Adventures in Babysitting:

What a movie!  Elizabeth Shue is the cool babysitter who after being stood up by her punk boyfriend agrees to a last-minute babysitting assignment.  Everything is going ok, that is until her scatterbrained friend calls from the city and is in trouble.  Shuey hears the call, and she and the family head into the town for a night hijinks and hilarity.
Film Rating: 9.87 out of 10
Actress Rating: 10 out of 10

Ah, but you’re thinking, wasn’t she also in…

Back To The Future: Part 2

Why she was! She replaced Marti McFly’s girlfriend from the first film. She’s like a Jennifer 2.0.  The Franchise is much the better for it.  Back to the Future 2 has: Hover Boards, a 3d jaws thingy, time travel to the future, The Doc, funky 80’s fashion, and, oh yeah, it has Elisabeth Shue!!! She’s cool.
Film Rating: 10 out of 10
Actress Rating: 10 out of 10 

But what was that other amazing 80’s classic?????

Karate Kid

Daniel-San is a loser. A punk. Going nowhere. Fast. Then a special person comes into his life. Someone who teaches him to fight. Someone who teaches him the values of life. Someone who teaches him that he only has to believe in himself to truly be a winner. That person… is Elisabeth Shue. Yes, Mr Miyagi taught him stuff too. But not as much as Shue.
Film Rating: 9.81 out of 10
Actress Rating: 10 out of 10

So there we have it. Conclusive proof that Elisabeth Shue is the most endearing actress of all time.  I mean I didn’t even mention her star turns in “Hollow Man”, “Cocktail” or “The Saint”. I think she was in some Las Vegas Flick too.  

Anyway, here is a classic Shue moment:

The low down:

Classic Game Show hosted by Richard (Rocky Horror Picture Show) O’Brien and was shown on Channel 4 between 1990 and 1995.

The series was set in “The Crystal Maze”, which is set within four different “zones” set in various periods of time and space.  Here is the overview of the zones:

Aztec, Futuristic, Industrial & Medieval:

A team of six contestants took part in a selection of games in order to win “time crystals”. Each crystal gave the team five seconds of time inside “The Crystal Dome”, the heart of the maze where the contestants take part in their final challenge.

THE GAMES (each lasted 2-3 minutes):

Physical game: These tested contestants strength and speed

Skill Game: Tested accuracy and dexterity

Mental Game: A test of brainpower, pure and simple

Mystery Game: A test of logic

What made these so great however was that the contestants invariable sucked at them.  Very rarely were the people involved in this show normal human beings. No, they were a rather stupid cross-section of Lawyers, students, pilots (I wouldn’t be getting in that plane let me tell you) and what-not’s from all over Britain.  Anyone who’s ever watched the show will know the immortal words ever player uttered when they entered a game:

“Where’s the Crystal?” – Why is that stupid I hear you ask?  Well, because the location of the Crystal never had anything to do with the objective in the game. Never.

Here’s an example of a particularly stupid contestant:

Even More Stupid:

Amazingly, even more stupid!!!!:

So, what was it all building up to?  It was building up to ‘THE CRYSTAL DOME!’.  This was the final challenge. The contestants had to grab a hundred gold tokens, and if they did, they won amazing prizes. But mixed in with the gold tokens were silver ones, and every silver one collected took a point away from the gold ones. Very tricky indeed.

If you won, the prizes were immense.  A day out Gliding, A day’s racing – the sky was the limit with these prizes.  No money involved, just Glory.

Here is a winning team (a very rare thing on this show):

Some people claim the best athletes are found out on the track.  Others say you don’t truly see what someone is made of until they are on the starting blocks.  Some even think the only time greatness is observed is at the Final of a chosen discipline  during an Olympic games.

But what do we know about people? Well, most of the time they’re wrong, that’s what we know.

Pull up a chair and listen to some wisdom.  The best type of Athletics you’ll ever see is found on a computer game called “International Track & Field” on the “Playstation 1”.

Check out this Youtube compilation of a world record being smashed in every single discipline (the Javelin is particularly impressive).  Then check the real Athletics video below it. There’s no comparison.


Epic Fail:

If you like gaming then you’ll love Super Soccer on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System.

It’s all loosely set around the world cup from 1990.  In 1 player mode you select a team from the 16 available and then you must play as them and beat the other 15 teams in order to win the world cup and therefore the game.  The real “win” though is the satisfaction the gamer gets from playing this piece of perfection.

The graphics were great, we can all see that, but it was the gameplay that made this little gem so amazing.

If you were at the correct angle facing goal you could always score, and isn’t that marvellous? I think so; it’s guaranteed satisfaction every time you play.

The best team you could play with was Germany (they won the world cup) and the worst  was Belgium (they didn’t win it).  Now, anyone can win the cup with Germany, the real talent is doing it with the worst team. I did.

Then, when you win the game you must face off with the super team. Dressed all in black, their players are superior to yours in every way.  If you can beat them (and I did) then you truly have mastered the game.

Next time I review a game I think I’ll pick “Flashback” & “Fade to Black”

Check out this strike…

Album Details:

Artist = Orbital
Album Name = Insides
Release Date = May 1996 (in the middle of a truly golden era in music)

I first came across this album at the party of one of my friends when I was approximately 16 years old.  At this party there was a particular room where people enjoyed…….. well, just use your imagination. Bottom line, there was lots of music and not a lot of chat in this room.

Anyway, back then I was more of a Smashing Pumpkins/Nirvana fan; a generally angry grunge kind of dude, but as I was walking up the stairs I heard a rather beautiful little dance sympathy blasting out of the aforementioned room.

I walked in, gave a few polite nods to the “people” inside.  One particular dude, we’ll call him Marty, was banging on something chronic about this record that was playing and explaining the importance to everyone about giving this album their full attention.  I agreed and sat down to listen to two of the tunes.  I’ll be honest whilst I thought they were good and certainly above average for an electronic number I wasn’t completely blown away.  Bottom line. I was too immature and not yet ready for that album.

I wasn’t ready in fact until I was 19.  By 19, the bad girl I’d date for a couple of years before had duly cheated on me, dumped me, gotten back together with me and then we mutually (it was so mutual) called it a day.  Heartbreak in the bag, I was ready for what Orbital had to throw my way.

Well, it was simply amazing. Whenever I talk about this album I always liken it to an orchestral composition done digitally.  The music has so much depth, on each song there are multiple melodies all harmonising and intertwining and the result is pure genius.

Track 1: “The Girl With the Sun in her head”

Aside from that being an absolutely great song name, its awesome.  It begins with a heartbeat, and that forms the bass of the track.  It’s like the literal birth/starting point of the album. A very accomplished piece of songwriting indeed.

Track 2: “P.E.T.R.O.L”

The only low point on the album. Angry, far too techno-ish/drum n bass nonesense. Avoid. It’s ok, but still, Avoid.

Track 3 & 4 : “The Box – Part 1 & The Box – Part 2”

Wow, if you were thinking of turning off after Petrol, you will be so glad you didn’t. The Box is yet again pure genius. Part 1 is this atmospheric piece of wonderment and part 2 is still that but with a banging fucking drum and bass beat over the top and the melodies just go everywhere, am-az-ing!!!!

Track 5: “Dwr Budr”

Don’t know what the name means, don’t care. Amazing track. Really lo-fi, simple, simple tune, that builds and builds into something that is yet again, beautiful.

Track 6: “Adnan’s”

My second favourite on the album. It starts with this annoying water sound thing and reversed drum/snare.  Push past that to the 2nd minute of the tune and you yet again have a tune with the most unbelievable depth. So, so, so, so good.

Track 7 & 8: “Out there somewhere? Parts 1 & 2”

Part 1 is ok.  But you need to listen to part 1 to appreciate why part 2 is so good.  Out there somewhere part 2 is the best song on this entire album.  This is a piece of music that Mozart or Handel would have been proud of.  The melody at the end of Part 2 is quite simply the best piece of music ever written electronically. Fact.

Go and listen to this album. Then listen again… if you think you’re ready.