Posts Tagged ‘Aliens’

A big question obviously.

Do you prefer the 1979 suspense filled, slow building masterpiece that was Alien?  Or do you prefer the balls-to-the-walls, fuck you sideways with lots of machine guns far superior sequel, that was 1986’s Aliens?

It’s obviously Aliens, but why?  Here’s why:

(1) Instead of 1 Alien, there are thousands of them!

(2) The company, whilst merely alluded to in Alien, is fully represented in the slimy and corporate cold, Carter Burke:

(3) It’s got marines, and they’re all badasses with big guns!

(4) Ellen Ripley has a pulse rifle and flame thrower, and she’s not afraid to use them.

(5) The drone guns, only available in the special edition (so special I couldn’t even find a picture of them!)

(6) They blow up the planet this time! That’s a lot bigger than blowing up the ship from Alien.

(7) It has this scene…

(8) Oh, and it has this scene…

So there you go.  Conclusive proof that Aliens kicks Alien’s ass.

Love it.

 

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I got this from a reliable source and if you don’t want to know the in depth story and plot points of the movie I highly suggest you stop reading now.

Opening:

There was this race called the Engineers, they came from a planet orbiting Sirius, called “Flamajam”.  They evolved for hundreds of thousands of years and eventually developed space travel.  A hundred years after developing this they discovered the secret of interstellar travel.  This allowed them to visit other worlds and meet other Alien races.

It was then that they realised that they had something special to offer the universe, something truly wonderful.  You see the ‘Engineers’ as a race are all mad boozers and love nothing better then brewing and developing world class beers.

Main plot:

So this one engineer, Davy, comes to Reticuli and plans to open up a string of high class bars and nightclubs. Trouble is that on his way down to the planet, his engine malfunctions and he crash lands and a couple of containers in the hold are left on ‘on’ mode.  Knowing that the planet is abandoned, he goes into semi-stasis (only awake for 3 hours a day) and waits for 4 years in the belly of the ship doing nothing but sleeping, eating, playing Nintendo games and brewing his beer.

The Prometheus:

Back on earth the Prometheus is sent on a mission to Reticuli, however it’s a fool’s mission.   An ancient engineer put symbols all over Earth, directions tp Reticuli basically.  But the symbols were only to say that ‘when you’re ready, come along and sample our beer.  First 10,000 humans get 1 years supply of Engineer home brew.’

So the prometheus lands and goes to the ship they find.  Trouble is that the stuff in the hold is flat pack ikea style material for the night clubs.  A dna technology that interacts with anything it touches, it begins turning some of the crew into buildings.

Aliens:

The engineers knew that their beer was quite strong and that customers may on occasions get a little rowdy.  So, what did they need?  They needed bouncers.  What better bouncer than a Xenomorph?

You see, the Xenomorphs are actually nice guys, a little testy.  You’d be pissed off too if your blood was acid.  But the Xeno’s always liked the engineers and were more than willing to take up the role of Bouncer.

The Problem:

Once the ship crashed, the parent Xenomorphs sadly passed away, and the children with no one to tell them what to do were left with nothing but their rage and agression.  So when the human’s punted up giving it ‘come on then’  the Aliens were like ‘yeah, fuck you right back.  This is last orders bitch’

The resolution and finale of the movie:

The engineer gets beaten in Punch-Out on the NES and heads back up to the ship.  Once there he finds there is a bit of argey-bargey going on between his bouncers and the humans.

“Haw, quit that, ya bunch a wollopers.  This is ma bar, and you’re all gettin barred if you don’t calm yer beans. Right?”

After that everyone calms down some.  The engineer cures the humans and tells the Xenomorphs what their job is.  The humans and the aliens shake hands and the Engineer declares the bar open.

Closing credits:

The humans, the Engineer and the Xenomorphs then begin dancing to ‘Club Tropicana’ by Wham and all have a great time.

My thoughts…

Shocking I know, certainly not the plot I was expecting, but it sure does sound like a fun movie.  I for one can’t wait to see it.


Stats:

Name: Ellen Ripley
Occupation: Lieutenant (first class)
Skills: Evading the ‘Alien’ and ‘Aliens’, good with a loader and pretty decent at blowing up spaceships
Super Special Skills: Delivers a very good “Stay away from her you bitch!” line to the Alien Queen

Poor Ripley. It feels in a very real way like those pesky Aliens have a kind of vendetta against her; maybe it’s the other way around.

Anyway, Ripley and her crew are in hypersleep aboard the mining ship ‘Nostromo’, on their way back to Earth.  On route, the onboard computer awakens them from stasis in the Reticuli system.  The ship detected a signal from an unknown source and the crew duly head down to the planet it’s coming from and start their investigation. There, they find the wreckage of an enormous Alien spacecraft. Intrigued they head inside and in the belly of this beast they find thousands of eggs beneath some kind of energy barrier.  Humans being stupid, they decide to go under the barrier, one of the eggs hatches and the thing inside attaches itself to said human’s face.

Back at the lander, Ripley is the only one sensible enough to realise that the human with the ‘facehugger’ shouldn’t be allowed back onboard, but she’s double crossed and her injured colleague comes aboard.  So begins Ripley’s constant struggle with these monsters.

You see the facehugger implants an alien inside it’s host, which bursts out of the host in a rather unsavoury manner.   That little dude then grows up to be a rather bad ass predator (not like the predator films).  It has acid for blood (tricky if you’re trying to kill it), is immensely strong, problem solving and in the enclosed environment of a spaceship, it will be the last thing you see before you die.

Ripley is the last human standing in her fight against the Alien.  In one of the most tense scenes in cinema she ends up dumping the Alien out of the airlock and only just surviving herself.

Ripley goes on to fight the Xeonmorphs in Aliens (every bit as good as Alien), Alien 3 (ok, but not as good as the first two) and Alien Resurrection (jesus that’s a bad film).

But all in all, Ripley is the perfect badass female kicking ass out in space.  See the loader fight in Aliens for more details on that.

Here she is…

And a hat tip to the amazing musical score by Jerry Goldsmith in Alien, truly a beautiful piece of music

Prometheus

 

 

 

 

 

Sci Fi prequel (kind of) to Alien.  Judging by the trailer it looks like a combination of Alien and Aliens, which can’t be a bad thing in my opinion.  Prediction: Amazing.

Paranormal Activity 4

 

 

 

 

 

Paranormal Activity 1 was ok. Paranormal Activity 2 was ok. Paranormal Activity 3 (out of nowhere) was absolutely fucking fantastic.  A proper scare the shit out of you movie, and who doesn’t like that? Prediction: Amazing.

The Dark Knight Rises

 

 

 

 

 

Batman begins was decent. The Dark Knight was amazing (see my gushing review previously).  So I have high hopes for the third instalment.  It’s going to be tough to top the Joker, but I think Bane and catwoman have a good chance. Prediction: Very Good.

The Avengers

 

 

 

 
This could be absolutely awful.  But I reckon it’ll be ok. For one thing Joss (Firefly) Whedon is directing and that can only be a good thing in my opinion.   Prediction: Good

Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), the only survivor of the space freighter Nostromo, is rescued and revived after drifting for fifty-seven years in stasis.  This is the rather eerie opening to 1986’s blockbuster ‘Aliens’.  It begins so serenely that you might be mistaken in thinking that the sequel was going to emulate it’s 1979 predecessor ‘Alien’, but you would be dead wrong.

At an interview before a panel of executives from her employer, the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, Ellen’s testimony regarding the Alien species is met with extreme skepticism as no physical evidence of the creature survived the destruction of the Nostromo spaceship from the previous film. Ripley loses her space flight license as a result of her “questionable judgment” and learns that LV-426, the planet where her crew first encountered the Alien eggs, is now home to a human colony.

The Weyland-Yutani corporation, only hinted at in the previous movie as “The Company” is the embodiment of corporate evil and greed and a very welcome addition to the Alien franchise.  The “Company” doesn’t let ethics, morals or even human life get in the way of it’s end game.

Ripley is visited by a Weyland-Yutani representative Carter Burke & a Lieutenant from the military.  They inform her that contact has been lost with the colony on LV-426. The company decides to dispatch Burke and a unit of marines to investigate, and offers to restore Ripley’s flight status and pick up her contract if she will accompany them as a consultant. Traumatized by her previous encounter with the Alien, Ripley initially refuses to join… But after company boy Burke tells her they’re only going to kill the Aliens (this is a lie), she agrees.

The group of Marines she goes with are a class act:  Sergeant Apone (he’s a douche), Corp Hicks (he’s a hero), Vasquez (She’s a scary ass supper tough female soldier), Hudson (bit of a joker, good with technology though) and rounding off the marines is an android called Bishop.  Ripley doesn’t like him much, given that the Android on the ship in Alien 1979 went a wee bit mental and tried to kill several people (I’d be suspicious of androids after that too).

This is where Aliens becomes so fucking amazing.  Gone are the genuinely scarey moments, an alien stalking the crew in the shadowy and claustrophobic atmosphere that the first film nailed so precisely.  All of that is replaced by a gung-ho set of marines, with big ass guns and a fairly bad attitude going in to blow the shit out of the Aliens.  And do you know what?  It is a fucking hoot!

So, the tooled up marines, and Ripley, head down to the human colony/alien planet, via this really cool spaceship, that prompts one of Hicks’ best lines in the movie (not spoiling it here, you’ll have to watch and see).  When they arrive, they find the colony abandoned (seemingly), but upon stumbling into the medical lab, they find two small Alien facehuggers stored in containment tanks (uh-oh, this can’t be good).  After a little pissing about, the marines work out where the colonists are.  Wouldn’t you know, they’ve been ‘captured’ by the Aliens and are being held by the nuclear reactor in the core. Shit!  That means they marines can’t use their big ass weapons, or there will be a melt down!

The Aliens attack, killing most of the Marines.  Ripley, who has been observing from outside, can see what is happening, and commandeers an attack vehicle and thunders into the complex and manages to save some of the marines.

Ripley discovers that it was Burke who ordered the colonists to investigate the derelict spaceship where the Nostromo crew first encountered the Alien eggs, and that he hopes to return Alien specimens to the company laboratories where he can profit from their use as biological weapons. She threatens to expose him, but Bishop soon informs the group of a greater threat: the damaged processing station has become unstable and will soon detonate with the force of a big nuke!   The android offers to save them, having to climb about a mile through a pipe (not a nice job)

Ripley and Newt fall asleep in the medical laboratory, awakening to find themselves locked in the room with the two facehuggers, which have been released from their tanks. Ripley is able to alert the marines, who rescue them and kill the creatures. Ripley accuses Burke of attempting to smuggle implanted Alien embryos past Earth’s quarantine inside her and Newt, and of planning to kill the rest of the marines in hypersleep during the return trip. The electricity is suddenly cut off and numerous Aliens attack through the ceiling. Hudson, Burke, Gorman, and Vasquez are killed while Newt is captured by the Aliens.

Ripley and Hicks get to the android, and are going to leave, but newt has been taken by an Alien.  So ripley tools up with a flame thrower and a pulse riffle and heads down to get her.  Killing a fair few Aliens on route she actually does! So, it’s back to the ship, and off into space to head home, phew… Hold on! Doh! One last Alien made it onto the spaceship! Shit!  Queue an epic battle involving something called a cargo loader in which Ripley spars toe to toe with the Alien queen, eventually getting the best of her and throwing her into space through an airlock

Ripley clambers to safety and she, Newt, Hicks and the still-functioning Bishop enter hypersleep for the return to Earth…

Something tells me they don’t make it home (that something is Alien 3).