I got this from a reliable source and if you don’t want to know the in depth story and plot points of the movie I highly suggest you stop reading now.
Opening:
There was this race called the Engineers, they came from a planet orbiting Sirius, called “Flamajam”. They evolved for hundreds of thousands of years and eventually developed space travel. A hundred years after developing this they discovered the secret of interstellar travel. This allowed them to visit other worlds and meet other Alien races.
It was then that they realised that they had something special to offer the universe, something truly wonderful. You see the ‘Engineers’ as a race are all mad boozers and love nothing better then brewing and developing world class beers.
Main plot:
So this one engineer, Davy, comes to Reticuli and plans to open up a string of high class bars and nightclubs. Trouble is that on his way down to the planet, his engine malfunctions and he crash lands and a couple of containers in the hold are left on ‘on’ mode. Knowing that the planet is abandoned, he goes into semi-stasis (only awake for 3 hours a day) and waits for 4 years in the belly of the ship doing nothing but sleeping, eating, playing Nintendo games and brewing his beer.
The Prometheus:
Back on earth the Prometheus is sent on a mission to Reticuli, however it’s a fool’s mission. An ancient engineer put symbols all over Earth, directions tp Reticuli basically. But the symbols were only to say that ‘when you’re ready, come along and sample our beer. First 10,000 humans get 1 years supply of Engineer home brew.’
So the prometheus lands and goes to the ship they find. Trouble is that the stuff in the hold is flat pack ikea style material for the night clubs. A dna technology that interacts with anything it touches, it begins turning some of the crew into buildings.
Aliens:
The engineers knew that their beer was quite strong and that customers may on occasions get a little rowdy. So, what did they need? They needed bouncers. What better bouncer than a Xenomorph?
You see, the Xenomorphs are actually nice guys, a little testy. You’d be pissed off too if your blood was acid. But the Xeno’s always liked the engineers and were more than willing to take up the role of Bouncer.
The Problem:
Once the ship crashed, the parent Xenomorphs sadly passed away, and the children with no one to tell them what to do were left with nothing but their rage and agression. So when the human’s punted up giving it ‘come on then’ the Aliens were like ‘yeah, fuck you right back. This is last orders bitch’
The resolution and finale of the movie:
The engineer gets beaten in Punch-Out on the NES and heads back up to the ship. Once there he finds there is a bit of argey-bargey going on between his bouncers and the humans.
“Haw, quit that, ya bunch a wollopers. This is ma bar, and you’re all gettin barred if you don’t calm yer beans. Right?”
After that everyone calms down some. The engineer cures the humans and tells the Xenomorphs what their job is. The humans and the aliens shake hands and the Engineer declares the bar open.
Closing credits:
The humans, the Engineer and the Xenomorphs then begin dancing to ‘Club Tropicana’ by Wham and all have a great time.
My thoughts…
Shocking I know, certainly not the plot I was expecting, but it sure does sound like a fun movie. I for one can’t wait to see it.
thesearemythoughtsoneverything 